‘Why does he never text me first?!’

If this question sends your mind into a crazy thought frenzy, don’t worry, you’re not alone!

There are so many of us… in the same trap!

When you both are sharing the same boat, you expect him to row it just as much you do it.

When this does not happen, your innocent brain is clouded with so many negative thoughts like is he trying to play mind games with me or worse, is he cheating on me and a whole lot of other possibilities that does not even exist in the practical world.

But, hey here’s some good news –

This might not be the only case.

There are several reasons (besides the negative ones) why a guy is not texting you first, and your heart is sure to sigh in relief when you flip through these.

So, let’s begin!

15 Reasons Why He Never Texts You First (but always replies!)

1. He’s busy juggling life

Photo by Nicholas Kampouris on Unsplash

Men don’t multitask better than women; they focus on a job at hand and then move to the next one.

One probable reason for him not texting you first could be that he’s preoccupied with something- job, family, pets, or even friends. It means that he’ll get back to you when he has less on his ‘super-high priority’ plate.

It might be annoying at times when he does not let you in what’s actually going on, but that’s because he doesn’t want you to worry for him. He wants to stay in touch with you and hence replies to your texts.

A conversation about it can easily clarify your doubts, and if this is actually the reason, don’t worry, he’ll bounce back very soon.

2.  He doesn’t wanna poke you

Bad experiences never settle well with men.

If he’s ever had a not-so-pleasant interaction with a woman that led him to believe that his text would be an annoying notification on her phone, maybe he thinks that being cautious about it is the best option.

He could be waiting for your message to let him know that you’re free to talk and prevent being a distraction while you’re at work. It might be his preventive measure for not ruining this new relationship.

If he is assured that you do not mind him texting first or sending in a quick message during a break at work and it does not agitate you, maybe you’ll not have this complaint anymore!

3. Is Avoiding Embarrassment

Trust me, he is just scared to appear foolish.

There might be a wild tussle going on in his head about whether to send a text first or not because he does not want to appear desperate and embarrass himself.

Or he has a shy nature that does not allow him to initiate a conversation, over-thinking about the consequences in case his message would amount to a ‘wrong move’ and create issues between the two of you.

It’ll take him some time to settle around you, get used to the frequent texting, and absorb the fact that you’ll love it when he texts first. And when that happens, the joy will be different.

4. It’s confusing

People have two responses to things they are unsure about- either find out or drawback.

Men tend to think that the latter is better. When a man is unsure about what he feels about you, he has an instinct to withdraw from you, which might include not initiating text conversations. If he does, he’ll make the situation more complicated and confusing for himself.

He needs time to think what he wants, from himself and from you, and in this whirlwind of discomfort and anticipation, a heartfelt talk about what lays ahead might just work.

5. There’s no space to breathe

Every one requires space, so does he.

When you’re emotionally attached to a person, you want to keep talking to them, telling them about your day, and hearing about theirs. But in this small, sweet gesture, you might not realize that you’re choking him.

From good morning to good night, lunch to dinner, friends to pets, family to job, if you keep texting him first, you’re not giving him any room to breathe. He also gets accustomed to receiving regular texts from you and the thought of texting first never crosses his mind.

Maybe a break or two from your everyday pattern will allow him to notice the change and your phone will finally bling with the first-ever text from him.

6.  Are you worth it?

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Because some of them have walls around them, strong and tough to break.

Many a time, owing to terrible previous experiences, men can build walls around them to prevent any mind games from hurting them. They want to be completely sure if you are actually interested in them, or are just playing around.

He enjoys the overwhelming attention you give him, and he’s trying to figure you out. He’s being very careful about the whole affair and gauges your interest levels.

If you’re really into him, he will eventually realize it with time, and once he is sure that you are here to stay – your phone will start buzzing with his texts.

7. Playing hard to get, huh?

Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash

Not all men are alike, and you should stay away from such conceited ones.

It’s just in the nature of some males. They like women putting all the efforts to win them over. They don’t text first but always reply back to maintain your interest in them.

But just because you stumbled across this point, does not necessarily mean that your man is playing hard to get. But if he is, probably he was not interested in your genuine self in the first place; he could’ve been looking for a trophy love interest.

If he has a long list of exes, maybe you’re a potential name for that list, and it’s best if you keep away from such trouble-makers.

8. ’Cause commitment-phobia is real.

Commitment. Something most guys run away from.

Not initiating a chat might be just one of the signs that your partner has a phobia of commitment. He likes the breezy space you are in, and he is confused about your future together, making him act like a pain.

He refrains from interacting first because of the fear of commitment but replies back because he is interested in you. On one side, his brain tries to pull him back, and on the other, he wants to see how things go.

Weighing the pros and cons will take time and when he’s made up his mind, you’re ready to go. But such issues are mentally taxing, so you would not want to keep the other dreadful option closed.

9. Starting a conversation is not his cup of coffee!

Not everyone is capable of saying something that can intrigue a conversation.

Maybe your guy is not very confident about how he attempts to begin a conversation. He is anxious about the possibility that his message might not interest you or even upset you.

They play the safe game and wait for you to text them first. On understanding your mood and intentions, they move forward with shaky texts and thoughts, which can easily be identified.

Or maybe he’s just not into texting. He could be someone who would rather meet you and have a face-to-face interaction than some misleading texts online.

With either of them, once they are comfortable in the space with you, they’ll gradually open up and learn to adjust, making texting more casual and of course, two-sided.

10. You’re harsh.

Yes, it could be you. Guys like staying away from girly melodrama.

If the man has had annoying experiences with you like mood swings, unnecessary cribbing, over-the-top drama about insignificant things, nagging, or anger outbursts, he will be hesitant to text you first, not being able to judge your mood.

I understand the need to share, let go and cry, but when it crosses a line, he starts to pull himself back. He needs to know that you’re not going to burden him all the more with your complaints if he texts you first.

If you think this could be a reason, start working on yourself!

Must Read: 11 signs to know if she is the ONE for you

11. He’s not that much into you

It’s time to face the truth.

If he is not into you, he’ll not be the one initiating conversations. This shouldn’t be the first thing you should think of when you’re having one-sided texting, but that doesn’t mean it’s not on the list.   

He replies to your texts because he doesn’t want to appear rude and hurt you. But he never texts you first because he does not want to give you wrong hints that later causes suffering. 

If you’re seeing other signs like constant refusal to hang out, short and delayed replies, maybe it’s time you give it a thought and save your grace before it’s too late!

12. Introvert v/s extrovert

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Another probable reason why he doesn’t text you first is that he might be an introvert!

It is difficult for him to suddenly open up to you or let his guard down and make himself vulnerable. This can also happen if he has had bad experiences with women earlier or simply because it’s his nature.

He is not yet ready to share everything with you, especially if you have just started talking to each other.

In that case, give him time, a few deep conversations will help him acknowledge your interest and he’ll get over his nervous self.

13. He is accommodating

It takes time for men to come into terms with lifestyle changes.

If you find that he isn’t texting first, and you have just begun interacting or have come to a different phase of being together, he could be taking time to familiarise himself with the equation.

You could have started interacting or dating just now, and that adds another person in his life to take care of. He will take gentle reminders to realize that something has changed.

14. The other woman?

Maybe you were right after all, but take a breath, drink some water and then read ahead!

No, it is not necessary that if he doesn’t text you first, he is cheating on you. If you both are dating, he could be using this to keep a considerable distance so that you don’t get attached to him, while he keeps his other options open.

If you are not, then it’s not cheating. Maybe there is someone else in his life who is more important to him. While he might be dealing with potential interests, he’s bound to take you for granted, thinking you will text him first.

If you feel that you are in such a phase, you really need to have a talk. You need to know if you’re being two-timed or are just wasting your time.

15. You’re too strong for him

It is a possibility if he has seen you in a brave and bold form.

He may be scared or intimidated by your personality and so hesitant to text you first. There’s a high chance that his insecurities have overpowered him and thus prevents effective communication.

If you are not sure about this point, keep a close watch on his behaviors and try to analyze it with respect to his personality.  

Once he is exposed to your warm side and is comfortable around you, he’ll be more than happy to open up and bring normalcy in the relationship.

Over to you…

Effective communication is the key to every lock in your relationship.

It helps you solve issues, understand each other’s needs and experiences, and prevent misunderstandings.

However, every relationship has a struggle of its own.

If you feel that you’re the only one who’s going lengths to talk to him and he hardly ever texts you first, don’t just assume – there can be many reasons why he is doing that (like we discussed above.)

Sit and have a face-to-face conversation without any interruptions. It will help you sort out these problems without any external interference.  

Half of the times, you will be amazed by the underlying reason and wonder how silly you can be to complicate it!


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