A relationship is never built on love alone. Romance and sex play an equally vital role in a couple’s life.

In fact, if you go back to history, a decade long stable relationships have also been knocked down when romance takes a back seat.

Remember how in the earlier days of your relationship, when the butterflies in your stomach were alive – everything was so different. He would carry you in his arms, kiss you all over your face, and sometimes just cuddle all night.

And still not get enough of you.

But lately, everything seems so timid and lost.

He doesn’t look at you the same way. He doesn’t hug you the same way. In fact, he doesn’t even talk to you the same way.

They say the spark is lost.

When in reality, it’s the sex that’s lost. Still, confused?

Here are a few signs that will help you reach a conclusion.

Reminder: Even if this is all a match, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. IT’S NOT.

1.    He goes to bed before you

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Often couples prefer intimacy during nighttime. After a hectic day, it allows you to forget all your worries and find solace in each other’s arms.

But if you notice your boyfriend going off to sleep without carrying out the nightly ritual of a goodnight kiss – it’s not how it should be.  

But don’t just assume. Not yet.

He might also be tired.

Wait to observe a few days, if it becomes a regular pattern, he surely has something in his mind.

Happy couples always prefer going to bed together, cuddled up in each other’s warmth and if he is ignoring going to bed with you, he might also be withdrawing himself from having sex with you.

2.    When was the last time he initiated sex?

Recall from your memory, when was the last time you both had a happy make-out session and he initiated it?

If that rings an alarm in your head, making you realize that it is ONLY you who has been making efforts lately, it is a sign that his sex drives are not in harmony with yours. 

Warning alarm: He might be going through some emotional instability or facing some sort of anxiety. Stress and emotional disturbance often prevent a person from indulging in sexual activities. 

3.    He struggles to get erect

This is one of the most significant signs amongst all when getting erections becomes a rare occurrence. If he is in good health and emotionally stable, he should be able to get an erection regularly.

4.    Masturbation beats sex

There’s nothing amiss with relishing some classic self-love, however, when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s dismissing your advances for masturbation, there’s an issue.

5.    Foreplay is out of the game

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Foreplay is important, sometimes even more than the final action. Basic signals like kissing, caressing, hugging, or even simply holding your hand are actions that a person is still charmed by you. 

If he’s repeatedly pulling himself back when you attempt to hold or touch him, he may have lost his affection in you.

He will also try to avoid gestures like cuddling because it always led to sex in the past.

6.    Conversations that you both have, sounds more friend-like

How he talks to you increasingly sounds like how a person would converse with his sibling, friend, or co-worker. 

At the point when he starts to treat you like a flatmate instead of like a partner, you ought to be concerned. This is generally a sign that he no longer eyes on you as a sexual partner.

7.    It is getting awkward

From empty conversations to cold eye contacts or even awkward silences, you can feel him slowly drifting away from you, both emotionally and physically.

Things may presently get strange or awkward when it’s simply you two. You both might continue to talk and chill like before but often lack a compelling reason to have a wholehearted conversation, cuddling each other at night to sleep or trying a new thing.

It’s killing. I know.


Here’s a suggestion: You don’t deserve to feel like this. Talk it out with him and find a solution, together.

8.    Surprises and dates are long-lost

Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash

“Baby, we’ll go out for dinner next week. I am overworked this week.”

When your spouse keeps postponing spending some alone time with you and surprises, date nights and long walks become rare events, he is seemingly trying to stay away from you.

A quick tip: Try to observe whether he is taking you out with a bunch of friends. If he is trying to maintain all sorts of distance from you, he probably wants to end this relationship but finding it hard to tell you; so he/she drives you away, trusting you’ll get the message.

9.    Sex is less fun, more routine

A partner who isn’t putting effort into a memorable sexual experience can leave you feeling unfilled, and that is something you’ll need to discuss.

For sex to be satisfying, it requires effort from both spouses. You might observe that your partner is less intrigued in you during physical closeness and lacks his usual energy, excitement, and mindfulness.

10. No more teasing

Most couples have a ‘move‘ which happens when a partner initiates sex, regardless of whether it’s a specific sort of kiss or touch in a specific spot. They know when a partner is attempting to start physical closeness.

If these gestures are nonexistent for your partner and he steps back from acknowledging your attempt to physical closeness, you know it’s a red flag.

11. He is emotionally unavailable for you

If you think that your partner has started to become indifferent towards your emotional and sexual needs, he is trying to create a wall.

Harsh, but true!

When you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to your rants, you might notice him all lost in a football match.

No, this is not because he LOVES football.

Stop fooling yourself.

It can also be possible because he thinks you are losing interest in him. While this is not the case, you might be unconsciously dropping signs… read this to find out – signs she is losing interest in you.

What Can You Do About it?

If the signs are beyond any possible shadow of a doubt, you need to resolve the problem right away.  Let’s not lose hope and give your best to come out of the problem.

Here are some surefire tips that you can consider for you once you have decided to take a lead and deal with the issue.

1. Blow his mind with your NEW Look (I mean, hot look! 😉)

Photo by Taylor Harding on Unsplash

All this distance is mainly because he is SO used to looking at the SAME you. He needs a change. You need to remind him that you are the same gorgeous woman who got him weak in the knees.

Reconnect with your hotter side, get another hairstyle, redo your closet and try new ways of teenage romanticizing to awaken the lost charm between you both.

You should also give some time to your own self that is NOT about him. Go on a night out with your girlfriends, achieve bigger work milestones, and make some great memories, truly.

Show your partner an alternate side of you – a fun and attractive side. Sometimes, the daily routine takes a toll on us and we forget to see the exciting things in life. 

It’s time to ignite the spark, again!

2. Talk it out!

Trust me, that’s the best way out there.

Wear your heart on your sleeve and discuss whatever is there in your head.

Try to remind yourself that he is the same man you had fallen head-over-heels for and start the conversation. There’s anyway no point being in a relationship where you both can’t communicate your heart out. 

Either way, it’s for the best.

3. Respect his space (and choices!)

Give him space. It’s important.

Allow him to take a boys’ night out and just let him be if he needs his time.

Sex often becomes more of a routine and less of a desire that ultimately takes away the spark. A few dry days will help him realize how it is to be without it and the desire will build up.

This doesn’t mean you leave him craving. Ply along when he comes all recharged, it will be worth it!

Also, it’s okay if he doesn’t want to have sex on some days. Respect his choices and don’t force him into it.

Sex is about both of you. Not just you.

And of course, Respect yourself!

All of us try to save our relationship boats, but sometimes, we forget to notice that the boat is not being able to handle the weight of two very different people who are beautiful inside-out but not compatible enough.

In that case, the shore is near, and one needs to step out.

Get into the boat again when it’s safe or choose another boat for yourself when it seems fun.

Until then, enjoy the view from the shore!

And remember, you deserve the best!

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