Every married couple has a different equation with each other. They have their own inside jokes, eye-contacts, agreements, and even arguments.

But if the arguments keep you awake at night, you need to do something about it. Dig the core, find out the root reason, and talk about it.

Or, if you are feeling that your husband has not been giving you the attention he used to, you need to first find out the why!

It might be because you both are out of the ‘lovey-dovey’ phase in your relationship or maybe because of work stress, or maybe because he is not attracted to you anymore.

If you paused at the last sentence, you need to read this.

Don’t assume just yet.

See if all these signs match with your situation and if they do – don’t panic, there’s always a way out.

1.  You hardly talk

In a marriage, communication is the most important tie that binds you both together. You both share a life together, there are so many things you need to talk about – finances, groceries, career, family but most importantly your marriage.

It helps you let the other know your needs and feelings, keeps you emotionally connected with them, and of course, prevents you from going to bed, angry and disappointed.

Lack of communication does not necessarily mean that he’s not attracted to you anymore, it could be due to the comfortable space between you both where you don’t feel the need to voice out every single thing.

But if you feel that your husband has been talking unusually less and there is an air of awkwardness around how you approach each other with something, it might be a concern.

What do I do?

There’s no medicine or formula for communication – you just have to do it.

You just need to sit and have ‘the talk’. Don’t fear the consequences and let out everything that your heart has been carrying all this while.

Trust me, it’s going to be worth it!

2. The touch is not warm

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Photo by Vlad Shalaginov on Unsplash

Humans LOVE touch.

A hug, a kiss, or just a caress of your hair, undoubtedly makes you feel pampered and loved. It provides you with the warmth and assurance you were looking for.

Pay close attention to how your husband touches you.  If he no longer holds your hand while walking down the street, takes you in his arms while cooking together, caresses your hair when your head is on his shoulder, kisses you when you’re being cute and you both are now sleeping on the wide-apart poles on the bed…

Well, you already know there’s something wrong.

What do I do?

Spend more time with each other. Like JUST the two of you.

Go for a movie or a dinner date, wear his favourite dress, make him loved and wanted, but make sure you don’t appear clingy.  

Maybe you’ve just lost the charm in your relationship and it just needs a push.

3. Fights are turning ugly

Fights are common when you both share a home, a life, and most importantly a future. However, it’s a lot more ugly between you both. Neither of you keep sane in the argument and the words cut deeper and sharper than a knife.

Here’s a secret: If the love and attraction is mutual, even while fighting he would NEVER hurt you (at least not deliberately).

If you feel that your husband is being unreasonably annoyed at petty issues and it is next to impossible having a civilized conversation with him… it’s time to step back and rethink.

When men are not attracted to their women, they are consumed by guilt, which makes them angry and agitated.

What do I do?

If you find yourself suddenly living with a ticking time-bomb, ready to explode at a word you say, it is an issue you need to address immediately.

Talk it out with him, try to understand his perspective and if things don’t work out, you can also consult a marriage counsellor.

But never, never leave this unchecked.

4. Sex is lost!

Like love, trust, and care, even sex is one of the main pillars of a healthy marriage. Nothing beats the overwhelming surge of emotions you experience for them during your private moments.

A healthy and active sex life is imperative in a relationship; it makes a person feel complete.

There’s no wrong or right when it comes to physical intimacy. Every couple has their different pattern and rhythm which they find comfortable. But, if your husband is not initiating sex, does not feel the desire to come near you, or is trying to make excuses at night, it might be an indication that he’s not attracted to you anymore.

What do I do?

Stimulating or initiating sexual interactions is the easiest bit. If you feel he is stressed or is anxious about his performance, you need to talk him out of his ill mental space.

Try new things, use some tricks and bring back the zing (if you know what I mean!).

Try to scratch your memory from the old-good-days when he would do anything to have IT with you. Figure out what was different then and try to bring it back.

5. Other women appear more attractive

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Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash

Firstly, calm down.

This does not mean that he is cheating on you!

If it’s just a colleague who is friendly or a friend who knows him well, you have nothing to worry about. Men don’t directly talk about issues regarding attraction because they think it can ruin the relationship.

If your husband has lately been talking about how attractive other women are, their way of dressing, their manner of carrying themselves or even how reminiscing on your younger version, it doesn’t mean that there’s someone else.

He is just trying to hint that you don’t appear as attractive to him, anymore.

Secretly, he wants you to make an effort to look beautiful.

For him.  

What do I do?

You are the same beautiful woman he first met and later married. You are just so lost in the rim of daily life responsibilities, that you forget about your own self.

Take a day off, relax, and dress up in a sizzling hot dress.

Preferably from your first date (only if it still fits!) 😉.  

The aim is to blow his mind with your changed look!

6. He is Cold (and Unavailable.)

The kind of emotional attachment you share with your partner is one of a kind, it’s even greater than your family and friends, and when that is amiss, you feel it before anyone else.

If you’ve had instances when your husband would rather be video calling his best friend than be on your side on your tough days, it’s not a good sign!

He can owe it to work or some random situation that didn’t permit him to be there or he’s troubled about something, but it could also be due to the lack of attraction he is feeling towards you.

What do I do?

This emotional distance is usually because of a lack of communication in a relationship.

If you feel there’s something off with him, sit with him and initiate a conversation. If not, make him realize his unavailability.

Trust me, there’s nothing a good conversation cannot solve.  

7. You are craving for some ‘us’ time

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

As a wife, you wish to spend some time with your husband all by yourself. You wish to be wrapped in his arms, sneak kisses and sleep in his warmth.

However,

The most cliché complaints of wives are that their husbands don’t find enough time to spend with the family.

It starts with banter and ends in laughter, but if you end up with tears in your eyes, and one of you walking out of the door, you know it is not fun anymore. It is the upsetting truth that your husband does not want to spend time with you anymore.

What do I do?

Try to do small little things that need you both to be in the same room. Plan a date, or a spa day or anything that he might find relaxing. Cook together, dance to soft tunes, play games – do anything that requires four hands.

8. You’re the ONLY one struggling to keep it alive

Just like there are two ends of the rope and two sides of the coin, there are two people in a relationship. Both of you must be equally invested for it to work out.

If you have been feeling that your husband is no longer interested in you – he does not give you random smiles and hugs like before, you definitely need to do something about it.

It might also happen that the love among you both has just gone missing… he does not bring you unexpected gifts, does not prioritize you, simply put, does not make you feel special about being with him.

Hey, let me tell you one thing straight: no matter how much effort you put in – if he is not playing his part, it’s bound to fall apart.

What do I do?

Take it slow. You probably already know that he’s not attracted to you anymore, or the spark has just gone underground, and you could start with having a heartfelt chat.

Make him realize how the distance is affecting you, and you’re there if he is willing to try to make this workout. Discuss with him if there’s something bothering him, and if not, tell him what’s been bothering you.

9. Appreciation? What’s that!

Let’s face it, you are not in your teenage romanticizing about each other like that’s the end of the world. You both are married and now love is not just about love, it’s about respect and appreciation too.

It’s not that you have to buy gifts or arrange fancy dinners every time your partner does something, just a thank you or a small kiss is enough to remind him/her about your love.

If you’ve come this far into this article, you probably feel that your husband is not appreciating you as much as he should. He’s taking you for granted and does not bother to look into the hard work you put every day to keep your daily life running.

What do I do?

Taking you for granted is not something that you can sit and discuss; it is not going to work.

You can instead try to abandon your duties for one day and ask him if he can take over. If he agrees, try to show him the effort it demands. Once he is mindful of what all you do for him in daily life, HE WILL NEVER TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED!

10. You’re sulking at home when he’s out with friends

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Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Marriages don’t happen overnight with any random person, especially for men. They want a partner who can gel well with their family and be cool around his friends.

If suddenly he is trying to edge you out while he is planning to go for an all-nighter with his friends, it definitely is a problem. He might also be doing it because he wants an all-boys night out. But you won’t be able to know until you ask him.

What do I do?

A few unplanned times might just be a coincidence, but if your gut tells you that there’s something more to it, well, trust your gut and find it out.

Go out with him, ask him about his friends, and tell him your viewpoint. If it’s all a trivial misunderstanding, you’ll be relieved, and if it turns out to be nasty… Well, then you need to rethink your priorities in life.

11. Everything is your fault

Everyone makes mistakes, even in marriages. But there’s nothing more important than this lifetime bond you both signed up for and you both know how to keep defeating the dark times.

But, it’s not the same anymore.

He has been blaming you for all the bad that’s there. From a dirty bedroom to his bad mood, everything is suddenly your fault.

Don’t believe him. That’s not true.

It’s not your fault. It’s because he is losing attraction in you and has been finding excuses to justify it. He’s becoming fussy about food, cleanliness of the house, the children, bills or even grocery, whereas he’s never even moved a finger for it.

What do I do?

Your husband may find it convenient to put the blame on you, but what’s not right with a criticizing spouse is letting him think he’s right.

Stand up for yourself and do not let him belittle you with his comments. You’ve already differentiated whether the bitterness is good for you or not, and when it’s not, don’t fear to act on it. If things get heated, go for counselling.

12. He does not miss you when either of you are away

It’s common for love-struck teenagers to bawl over the whole world if their partners are moving to college in a different city or are going for a vacation. But not for grown-up adults who know that and are well aware of the urgency of the shift.

Well, you might not all be all tears like the teens but that doesn’t mean you will not miss each other. Adults or teenagers, love naturally makes you miss your partner.

However, that’s not the case with him.

If your husband hasn’t reached out to you over calls or text while he was away or you were, it clearly means that he hasn’t missed you.

No, it’s not because he is loaded with work. It hardly takes a minute to drop I miss you text.

Remember, no one is ever so busy, it’s all about priorities.

What do I do?

Show him that you’re happy to be back or that you’ve missed him deeply. Talk to him about how his days have been, his work, and if there was any interesting anecdote that happened on the trip.

If you’re the one coming back, tell him about yours, bring him back a small present. If he gets annoyed or frustrated, you know there’s something serious you need to discuss.  

Can’t Miss: How to know if she is losing interest in you

While I’m thinking…

People change with time, you will, and your husband will.

There will be a time when your ‘us’ time will turn from a fancy dinner to cuddling with popcorn (and Netflix).

There will be shifts in your marriage, and you will have to accept them, as they come. It might cause a speed bump in your marriage, but hey strong woman, you’ll make it through!

There are numerous consultation services and books that can guide you when the chances seem grim. ‘His Secret Obsession’ is a one-stop handbook for you, compiled by James Bauer, to advise you through the ‘worthless wife’ phase and get you out of it, not only preventing you from feeling unappreciated but also helping you save your marriage from falling to pieces.

Remember, you are the same woman he couldn’t wait to start his life with.  

All you need is a lil-bit of jazz to rekindle the love!

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